I Have A Fear….A poem I wrote many years ago in honor and memory of my sweet, sassy, feisty, bright-light Gram. Losing her was my biggest fear. I celebrate her life and the incredible impact she had on mine!

I have been anticipating this night for many, many years. Our nest has been half empty a few times for several years with the coming and going college years to our oldest leaving for good three years ago. You could say that I’ve been living in a state of anticipatory grief waiting for this moment to come when our youngest bird flies off to start his next chapter and his room is left empty.

How are you? Why is it the go-to question in our society, does the person asking care how I am , do I truly know how I am, and why am I reluctant to answer truthfully if I do know? So many questions from such a basic question.

As women we tend to want to be everything to everyone and really put the “I am woman hear me roar” philosophy to the test. By doing this we often push ourselves aside or to the way back of the line.

Lately I have been dealing with a common theme that keeps surfacing. DISTRACTION! Distraction is defined as “a thing that prevents someone from giving full attention to something else”. This isn’t a new theme, although I wish I could say it was. If it were new I’d feel a little better about it. Unfortunately, this is a struggle I’ve been facing for quite a few years. It surfaces and resurfaces!

I’ve been finding myself pleading for peace lately. It’s a word that keeps surfacing in my thoughts and prayers. “Lord, give me peace”, I plead with Him. “I just want peace.” Peace in my soul. Peace of mind. Peace for our country. Peace for our nation. PEACE! Fear overrides peace.

The view from the porch included a lot of very tall trees that I could not see through or beyond. Several of those trees were recently cut down to reveal a completely different view. Sitting and admiring the new view got me thinking about how other obstructions put in place by me block my view of seeing what is through and beyond the “trees”. What are my trees?

I’ve been a firm believer in setting healthy boundaries both personally and professionally since way back in my social worker days, yet it’s still one of my biggest struggles! Healthy boundaries and self care are super important and often the first things we compromise because ya know…it has to be done, and we are the ones that need to do it (or so we think).

I know I’ve talked about this topic before here. Today it struck me differently. It brought up a joy and excitement that I hadn’t truly felt before when thinking or talking about it. When I thought of figuring out who I am now in this season, it was honestly with more of an angst of what or who I was losing rather than all the amazing things I have to look forward to.

This week my hubby and I got away for a week at the beach where we planned zero activities. The only plans we had were to rest, relax and replenish. While doing so I’ve had quite the ah ha moment. Am I really a rester?

How refreshing to see the signs of Spring! A season of rebirth and hope! Winter was accompanied by the desire for snow days to retreat and sleep, while Spring brings energy and new life with the longing to get outside and be active. Just like the weather changes through the seasons, our lives experience seasons as well.

The anticipation of what I was going to make happen in the New Year filled me with excitement.  I spent days setting goals and dreaming of where I would go. But this year is different.

I am a woman in my mid 40’s and there are definitely changes that accompany that. In these transition years I’ve found myself asking, now what? Who am I now? What do I do? Where do I go? The answer has become clear throughout these years. REST. I rest. Now is the time to REST.

The best present you can give is the gift of your presence fully focused in the moment. Are you present in your interactions? I mean really present with no distractions. I have come to realize that I am not always present. On some level, I take pride in the ability to multitask. However, I’ve come to realize that multitasking has a cost.

My friend and I volunteered to serve in caring for Mr. Jim but we were the ones left feeling cared for and better people for having spent time with this amazing man! We sat in awe of this happy, young at heart, full of life, fun, positive, wise, caring, introspective and insightful man for almost four hours as he told story after story of the events in his life.

I am hoping that I am not alone in these crazy, what the heck happened to my brain moments! I am completely accustomed to providing the comic relief in our family for the things I say or do, such as calling the humans by the dog names and the dogs by the human names. I mean we all do that right?