How ARE YOU?
Have you ever stopped to think how often you are asked, “How are you?” in a day, week, month, or year? No? Me either, until today. It was out of nowhere I began to ponder this question and how I most often respond like the majority of people do with, “fine”, “good”, “tired”, “okay”, or “busy” as my easy answers. The ones that fly off the cuff without much thought as if I have been programmed my entire life to have them at the ready. Not until today did I take time to really stop and think deeply enough to write about it and dive into the whys behind the answers to the simple question, How are you? Why is it the go-to question in our society, does the person asking care how I am , do I truly know how I am, and why am I reluctant to answer truthfully if I do know? So many questions from such a basic question.
Getting back to how many times we are asked if we are asked let’s say ten times a day do we answer the same way? Truly we can not feel the same way every time we are asked. So again, why do we answer the same? There are many possibilities. We of course aren’t going to get into the depth of how we are truly feeling with the random stranger on the street who asked, “How are you?” In this case, the obligatory, fine, good, okay, tired, or busy are the easy answers. But again, it leads me back to why ask if you don’t care or want to know. Another scenario is we are with someone we are in a closer relationship with who asked the same question. This would be a good time to answer openly and honestly yet still we often answer the same as we would to a random stranger with automatic adjectives.
As women, I think we have a hard time knowing truly how we are feeling in the moment and need to put more emphasis on the How ARE YOU? We get caught up in the day-to-day, focused more on what we are doing, what we need to do, and who we need to care for, and don’t often take time to stop and think about how we are. A simple question, I beg to differ. It has become such a watered-down, flip-of-a-switch answered question but in reality, it is also one of the most overlooked and unthought-of questions. How ARE YOU? Do you know? Do you have people you can talk to about how you truly are? Would you talk to those people and be completely honest about how you are?
Once we identify how we honestly are, whether it be considered a negative or positive response, do we feel comfortable expressing it? For example, if I am feeling sad, anxious, depressed, uncomfortable, or frustrated I may be reluctant to share for fear of being judged, misunderstood, labeled a Debbie downer, selfish or pitiful. On the other hand, if I am feeling excited, happy, joyful, and proud, I may not express that to not want to come across as boastful or having it all together.
Another simple yet complicated question comes to mind, Who are you? Again, this one is often answered with a quick flick of the tongue spouting off titles such as mom, wife, sister, daughter, and friend. Those responses come without much thought or depth into who we truly are. Have you taken any time to honestly answer the question? Would you have the courage to list who you think you are? I’ve done many lists of who I am. It wasn’t until today that I allowed myself to identify who I believe myself to be without fear of what others would think if they saw my list. I gave myself complete permission and freedom to say who I am without overthinking.
The last question I find myself pondering is, what do you need? I struggle with this one. I don’t always know what I need and when I do, I hesitate to ask for fear of coming across as not being able to handle things on my own or being needy. In reality, we all have needs and it should be common practice to be able to identify and ask for what we need.
Let’s ask them and answer them with more intentionality to discover more about ourselves and others. Let’s give each other safe space, to be honest in answering. So I ask you, how are you, who are you, what do you need? Think about it honestly and answer for yourself and perhaps share with your trusted people. Ask them with the intent of listening, loving, and supporting.
Shine bright,
Teresa
