All the feels…and the feels are for real!
Note: I wrote this post March 9th, a few days before the pandemic “social distancing” started but I didn’t share. Many more feels, and they are for real! Fear, tears, anxiety, peace, joy, uncertainty, confusion…..Time to put that “finding strength in the struggles” to test again knowing who I am and WHOSE I AM!
This has been one heck of a year (and a 1/2). It’s been full of pain, anxiety, changes, loss, discovery and growth. The “we find strength in our struggles” saying has been put to test and has been proven to be true! In the midst of our struggles it’s hard to see the strength part. A few months ago, even few weeks ago I don’t think I could’ve viewed myself as being strong this past year. Quite the contrary. I would’ve actually considered myself weak. I would’ve continued to beat myself up and feel bad about how I perceived my response to this past year. I cried lots of tears and I’ve felt all the feels. Some good, a lot not so good. This past year (and a 1/2) started with lots of loss. There has been a lot of letting go of what was and coming to terms with what is. Friendships have changed. Family relationships have changed. My physical body has changed! Through it all I put my smile on and keep moving. I don’t want to be the “Debbie Downer”. I’m the one who helps. I am the encourager. The cheerer upper. The truth speaker. I’ve always thought of myself as an open book. I’m open to share words. I’m open to be vulnerable with my story. Or so I thought. This past year I’ve come to realize that I’m not as open as I thought I was. I try to hide my actual feelings but I wasn’t doing such a good job. I wear my feelings in my face, under my smile, in my eyes, how my body responds to stress and pain. This past year (and a half) I could no longer hide the feelings. They all came to the surface along with a greater understanding of who I am and whose I am! Somewhere along the way I subscribed to the belief that showing all the feelings (other than the look at me, I’m okay ones) made me weak. I am to tuck those away and just keep moving. I’ve also learned that not only do I carry my feelings I also shoulder everyone else’s feelings. I am a highly sensitive feeler of all feels, mine and yours. It’s not a weakness to show those! I can let them out. I’ve discovered it is possible to feel lonely surrounded by people. It is important to find a tribe or just one person who you can be completely yourself with. Most of all lean on God. Talk to Him about what and how you are feeling with complete honesty and transparency and feel all the feels. He can handle them. His truth and strength will get you through one day and one feeling at a time.
Shine bright,
Teresa
John 15:5 – “I am the vine ; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit, apart from me you can do nothing.”