A TRYing Season!
I recently watched a very enlightening video with a Christian Instagram influencer I follow. I’ve watched several of her previous videos but in the midst of these crazy pandemic days (we are currently living through the COVID-19 quarantine) I’ve really felt a connection with her and the topics she’s discussed. Funny how God sends you the people and messages you need right when you need them. His timing never ceases to amaze me. Today’s talk centered around finding not only your circle but finding who you are!
I know I’ve talked about this topic before here. Today it struck me differently. It brought up a joy and excitement that I hadn’t truly felt before when thinking or talking about it. When I thought of figuring out who I am now in this season, it was honestly with more of an angst of what or who I was losing rather than all the amazing things I have to look forward to. Our college season officially ended yesterday with my younger son finishing his last class! An aside: I have longed for this day of celebration and putting a nice neat bow on the end of this chapter. However, this season ending in a quarantine has been anything but neat! All celebration plans have been cancelled. We are figuring out new innovative ways to celebrate while social distancing.
Okay, I digress. Back to topic of looking forward and finding out who I am. Today’s video referenced a story about a woman who lost her husband and her son grew up and left the nest. She went to the store and realized in the fruit aisle that she didn’t know what kind of fruit to buy. She knew what her husband liked. She knew what her son liked. She didn’t know what SHE liked. Can any of you relate? We spend so much of our time doing, caring and being for others that we lose our sense of self.
I am looking forward to this season of rediscovering and discovering what I like. What I really like. What things bring me joy. What gifts I have that need to be shared. What my actual God given gifts and assignments are. I spend way too much time and energy trying to be and do what others want of me. Do they really even expect those things from me or do I unnecessarily put those expectations on myself?
Through these social distancing days I’ve come to learn a lot more about my personality. For those of you who are familiar with the enneagram I am a 2 through and through!!! Initially I tried to fight that I was a 2. This quarantine has stripped away those doubts. Now I embrace my twoness and seek to learn more about what that means. I am a helper!!! I look for any and all ways to help whether the person wants to be helped or not. Well given that we are under a stay at home order I’ve had to find new creative ways to help and (insert gasp) realize that not everyone wants or needs my help.
My focus has gone more inward, thinking of ways to help myself. Unfortunately, through this pandemic I lost two relatives who were sick prior and after brave battles with cancer, passed on. Losing loved ones when we aren’t able to be with family and grieve together as we normally would has been super hard. It has also resurfaced grief from prior losses that I hadn’t addressed. With more time for self reflection and thinking of ways to help myself, I decided to join our church GriefShare group. Though I’ve pondered joining for several years, I didn’t take the time or put myself at the top of my list to care for me. I had my first session this week and I am so glad I joined!!
This leads me to where this whole post started. Who am I? What do I want? How do I find new ways to find joy? Today’s speaker nailed it when she said these very simple words, “Try new things!” So, what have you been putting off trying? Don’t know? Pay closer attention to things you notice other people doing that bring up those thoughts in your mind of “I wish” or “I’d like to..” These are usually the same thoughts that are followed by, BUT and all the other excuses we muster up to stop us.
Now is the time! Today is the day! Make a list of things you want to try and start trying! You never know where that one try will lead. I’d love to hear what you’re trying. I’ll keep you updated on what I try. Skydiving anyone? I’ve put it off for years. Perhaps now is the time to TRY!
Shine bright,
Teresa