Raising The Flag of Surrender
December 21. This was the date of the first positive Covid test in our immediate family. It was also the day my need to care for others kicked into high gear! Six days after my oldest son tested positive, my husband received his positive test result. Six days after that, my youngest son received his. And, last but not least, my positive result followed six days after. I will definitely not be choosing the number six for any future lotto tickets!
With each positive result my need to care for my guys grew stronger and stronger. I must’ve made them crazy with how often I asked them, “Are you okay? What can I get you?” No matter what their answer was my immediate follow up was, “Are you sure?” or “What about (insert any type of food, drink, medicine, or vitamin here)?”
I am an Enneagram 2, which means I am a helper. I love hard. I care to the utmost degree, often to my own detriment and care. I anticipate the needs of others or what I think they need before they even know.
But that also means when I spring into action, it can sometimes be intrusive. Perhaps what I think someone needs isn’t what they truly need and if they say they don’t need it then I need to stand down and zip it!
Rest is a topic I whole heartedly believe in. I speak, write, and pray about resting intentionally – to lean into God and wait. This practice is for sure not one I’ve perfected! Yes, we are called to serve others and serving my family and others brings me joy. But I also need to discern who and what gets my energy! Service needs to be done with healthy motives and balanced with self-care.
While I freely give and care for others and their needs, what I’ve learned throughout these past weeks with Covid giving our family a strong punch, I do not easily ask for or receive help. I long to be more like Mary but if I’m being completely honest I become more of a Martha focusing on everyone else first and neglect myself and time resting at the feet of Jesus. (Luke 10:38-42)
When I was running around trying to help everyone else around me, I tripped hurrying up the steps to answer the phone, face planting on the hardwood floor. I realized I had pushed myself to the point of extreme exhaustion. A few days later I broke down sobbing on the phone with my sweet concerned parents. They lovingly expressed how much I had been dealing with and asked, “What do you need?”
They weren’t the first to offer help. Many others had reached out saying, “Let me know if you need anything.” To which I always responded, “I’m good.” The truth is, I wasn’t good but I’m horrible at asking for help!
Being asked directly what I needed gave me an opportunity to understand that resting and having margin to be able to care for myself and my guys was what I needed. As difficult as it is to ask for help it is almost equally as challenging to accept help. After I was hit with the red flag of exhaustion I raised the white flag of surrender. I asked for what I needed and received the love and care that came in a big way through meals provided to us by family and friends!
If we don’t intentionally rest we could be forced to rest! While I certainly would not have chosen my family getting Covid in order for me to learn important lessons, I am grateful for the lessons I learned and pray I can continue with resting intentionally rather than being forced!
Shine bright,
Teresa